


NGC 7635

by nsofties



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Declarations Of Love, Established Relationship, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Mentioned JohnDo, Mentioned KunTen, Mentioned Xu Ming Hao | The8, Mentioned YuIl, Sicheng-centric, introspective, it's really just a love letter to jaehyun in sicheng's point of view, sicheng loves jaehyun he just doesn't really know how to say it, this is full of similes and metaphors and repetition
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-02
Updated: 2019-06-02
Packaged: 2020-04-06 17:13:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19067047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nsofties/pseuds/nsofties
Summary: “I want to kiss you under the stars and moon and bright blue sky. But, I also want to kiss you under dingy fluorescent lighting and in the dark in the back of your shitty car. I want to kiss you in rain storms and sun showers and heat waves. But, I also want to love you. Always.”; or: Sicheng is just trying to figure out how to sayI love you.





	NGC 7635

**Author's Note:**

> this is a love letter, in a way.

Sicheng Dong is absolutely, without a doubt, in love with Jaehyun Jung. He feels it from his toes to the crown of his head when he wakes up in the morning until the moment he falls asleep. The sun rises and falls in tandem with the moon, but his love doesn't waver. He wonders why. There isn't one thing in particular that stands out to him about Jaehyun, and he wonders if that's why he loves him. That he loves Jaehyun because every part of him is equally as lovely.

It makes sense to him when he  _really_ thinks about it - that his love for Jaehyun is just always there. It's always been there, too. It's been there from they moment they met at freshman orientation - sweaty in the humidity and burning from the noon sun, laughing at the antics of another newcomer in an attempt to shove away the awkwardness of new beginnings. 

They could've met under better conditions, Sicheng concedes. Acknowledges that his brusque, " _hello_ ," in his attempt to catch up with his freshman year roommate, Minghao, could have been kinder. Acknowledges that Jaehyun's hurt feelings were the appropriate response to his behavior.  Acknowledges that Jaehyun's known he's in love with Sicheng longer than he knew.

Sicheng isn't trying to make up for lost time, but he can't help but feel like he needs to as he looks at Jaehyun.

Jaehyun, who always wakes up half an hour before him to make them coffee and breakfast in bed. Jaehyun, who knows Sicheng's schedule better than he knows his own. Jaehyun, who always remembers to say  _I love you_ right when he wakes up and right before he goes to bed like a silent prayer. Jaehyun, who doesn't mind that Sicheng still hasn't said  _I love you_ back. 

Perhaps he hasn't said the words, but Sicheng has always been someone who lives by the phrase  _show, don't tell_ , much to the chagrin of those around him. Shows his love through packed lunches and kisses good night. Small notes with dinners when they aren't home together and  _how are you_ texts throughout the day.

He doesn't think it's an issue - and it's really  _not_. Jaehyun knows - knows how much Sicheng loves him. Knows it from the way Sicheng links their fingers when they watch movies or walk through the mall. Knows it from the way Sicheng hums his favorite songs when they change Jaehyun's hair color  _again_. Knows it from the way Sicheng smiles at him, big and bright, even when they're the only people in the room.

Jaehyun lets him know as much, silencing Sicheng with a kiss and a knowing smile as he struggles to make his lips form the words he so desperately knows Jaehyun deserves to hear. " _It's not an issue_ ," Jaehyun murmurs before bed, head on Sicheng's chest. He can hear the steady rhythm of Sicheng's heart, visualizes it with the pulsing of starlight as he closes his eyes. " _I know_."

It's not an issue, but Sicheng wants to say it anyways. He wants to tell Jaehyun he loves him the same way that Doyoung murmurs it against Johnny's lips when the latter belatedly joins them for lunch. Tell Jaehyun he loves him the same way that Taeil whispers it to Yuta when he thinks no one else can hear him on the train. Tell Jaehyun he loves him the same way that Ten shouts it to Kun when they're leaving for flights in different terminals. Jaehyun deserves as much, Sicheng knows.

His lips just won't form the words - the sounds get stuck in his throat and suffocate him. Sicheng can't say it, yet, so he starts slow. He starts with writing what he sees, feels, wants to say.

 

 

 

 

 

 **Monday, June 1st, 2015**

_I love Jaehyun when he wakes up in the morning. I love the way his eyelashes brush against the apples of his cheeks and he has to give it a few tries before he can open his eyes and be ready to take on the day. I love how I get to watch the sunrise every morning with him. How I get to see him off to work. I love him endlessly, I think._

 

**Thursday, July 16th, 2015**

_I love Jaehyun, even when we're fighting. I love Jaehyun even when my heart hurts and I know that we probably won't talk for a few days. It's all consuming. I love him always, though I don't necessarily always love myself. I hate myself when I make him cry. I hate myself when I wake up, facing his back on Saturday mornings after we fight on Friday nights. I hate myself wehn i can't tell him I love him._

_Jaehyun tells me that I need to learn to love myself before I can feel comfortable telling him I love him. I just think I haven't found the right words yet. There's always a truth to what he has to say, though._

 

**Wednesday, August 5th, 2015**

_I love Jaehyun. I love him in the way that I can see myself spending the rest of my life with him. I love him endless. I love him, acknowledging his faults and accounting for my own. There are moments that are difficult - more than I can count on both hands. Life is not always easy loving Jaehyun Jung, but in the end I'm always happy._

 

**Saturday, September 26th, 2015**

  _I love Jaehyun. It's been six years. We've been together for six years and I'm not really sure how to say it. I can tell him by kissing him breathless. I can tell him by the way my heart beats when he laughs. I can tell him by the way my ears turn red and my smile gets a little lopsided when I see him after a long day at work._

 

**Sunday, October 4th, 2015**

_I love Jaehyun. I think I know how to say it, but I'm not really sure. We'll figure it out as we go, I think. I'll figure out how to tell Jaehyun that I love him the way sunflowers love the sun. Somewhere along the way, I'll figure it out._  

 

 

 

 

 

"I love you," Sicheng says one morning. They're sitting on the couch, watching the Sunday morning news, and he thinks that Jaehyun's given himself whiplash with the speed that his head turns.

“I want to kiss you under the stars and moon and bright blue sky. But, I also want to kiss you under dingy fluorescent lighting and in the dark in the back of your shitty car. I want to kiss you in rain storms and sun showers and heat waves. But, I also want to love you. Always.

"My love for you is like weekday mornings, but also Sunday nights. It's inevitable, and sometimes not easy, but it'll always be there whether you want it to be there or not. It's like the universe - it's always growing, and one day it might expand so much it has nowhere to go, so it'll just start again from the beginning. But it's always there, regardless.

"I love you, and I've never been able to find the right words to tell you. I've tried for years now to tell you, and it's pretty shitty that it's taken me this long, you know. But you've always been patient and always loved me - more than I think I've deserved at times. I love you, and I think I've finally found the words to tell you that properly.

"I love you."

Jaehyun smiles, presses his lips to Sicheng's softly. Being with Jaehyun feels like an adventure - comfortable enough to call home, but with something new every day. It's like camping in the living room as a child, using a torch as a campfire and telling ghost stories that are only scary when you're five. Safe, but new.

"I love you, too."

It took Sicheng years to tell Jaehyun  _I love you_ , but he realizes he has plenty more to say it again and again and again. Plenty of years to write it in the stars.

"I love you."

"I know."

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this directly on ao3 in like. an hour. i'm so sorry.  
> find me here:  
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/nsofties)  
> [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/nsofties)


End file.
